It’s been three days since my lover and best friend cancelled me, and all I can do is cry. I knew our time was coming to an end, but all I can wonder is why. I’m sad, devastated and upset; I truly feel depressed. And as I write this letter today, I’m hoping I have no regrets. Love is such a beautiful mystery…. until it leaves you in misery. Only then do you start to realize, that everything is very slippery. One minute you’re making sweet love, the next minute you’re blocked. Who made this game of love such a devastating road? I feel like answers are owed.
I loved him from the jump, and talking about him gives my throat a lump. But after how I was treated, I think our friendship has been depleted. I can’t stop thinking about our kiss in New York City, and how he held me nearly and dearly. If I’d known that was the last moment we’d share, I would’ve held on tightly and securely. Instead, I’m forced to sit down and own my thoughts. I can’t believe this is happening, I’m in such distraught. One things for certain, I will always love my Roo. But I don’t know how much of me he’s willing to go through. Yes I felt used, but it’s nothing compared to how I feel when I’m with you. That’s what I want to say… but I know it won’t get me my way.
My heart break feels so cold, that I almost forgot I have a heart of gold. I fear that this experience will make me surrender. I fear that I’ve lost all of my splendor. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to trust another. I fear that I might never become a mother. I know he didn’t see me as his wife, but I’d be lying if I said I never pictured him in my future life. I said some things that I should’ve kept to myself. And I’ve learned that sometimes its better to leave your feelings on the shelf. I want a second chance so that I can show him I’ve grown. I’d stop complaining and throwing fits, I promise I’d just go with the flow.
Nevertheless, all of this has been really sentimental. I’ve learned that it’s important to treat those you love with respect, and remind them daily that they’re special. My worst fear has come true; that I’d lose my Roo. I feel like a lost kangaroo who’s yearning for food. My angel, My Mpenzi, everything I say is true. And even if we never speak again, I want it to be clear that this one is for you. I’ve loved and I’ve lost; I’ve hurt you and it sent you away, and now I don’t know when I’ll ever be okay. I’ve been crying in front of everyone like a baby… so sad and miserable because i lost the only man who made me feel like a special lady.
This too shall pass, I know that it will. But until it does, I hope that my loyalty prevails. I’ve learned so much from this man that I love so deeply. But I need to let go, in order to find me for me. Men are from Mars and women are from Venus, we might be apart now but our fate is intermingled. Our stars will realign… I trust in divine timing. And even if this is goodbye forever, just know that you’ve impacted my life for the better. I’m so sad to be taking this much needed break, but my heart needs it and so does yours, so I’ll leave the rest to fate. Until then, all i can do is write odysseys to my broken heart. Hoping and praying that I’ll heal as we grow apart.
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