Today I contacted an interesting Instagram survey. I asked my friends whether they believed dating apps were “effective” or not. I put the word effective in quotation marks because effective is very subjective. This means that everyone can have an opinion on whether something is “effective” or not; but until it is proven by science – through hypothesis and experiment, to be true, then it is merely subjective and not objective. You feel me?

Anyway, as some of you might know, I’ve been incredibly heart broken for the last week or so. This is because someone whom I wanted to give my all to, turned out to be, well… I guess… not that into me. This is not to say anything about their character. It’s just that, after you’ve been #blocked and start to ponder what you did for a week; you come to the conclusion that all is well. Nothing is permanent is the bad news, but nothing is permanent is the good news too! That’s the kind of attitude you must walk around with.

So, back to the survey. I found out that 22% of my friends believed that they have had positive experiences with dating apps; while a whopping 88% thought that dating apps were a bad idea. This was interesting to me, especially when I started having conversations with some of my friends about why they picked what they picked. There were a total of 39 responses so i didn’t get to everyone, but the ones I had conversations with led me to very drastic measures today; measures that I’ll tell y’all about later in this blog.

One of my favorite responses came from someone I grew up with and whom I deeply admire. She said that she suggested apps such as Hinge and BLK, and with a solid relationship of her own, her success with the app led her to channel very positive vibes that actually encouraged me to download them for the first time. I’ve had a tinder once, but I was on there so briefly because I met the guy I’ve been talking to for the past 6 months on there and just deleted the app, a move that you should apparently only make if you are ready to be truly heart broken at some point.

It’s not that I’m hating on dating apps, but after my experience with the guy I just stopped dating, I can’t help but be a little sore. Like, the pain I went through after this fake ass “breakup” where we technically weren’t even together, is ridiculous. I’ve been so sad, y’all, that my doctor saw me and was like “ummm you look terrible”. Granted, her and I are super cool with each other, so there was no love lost. But even she tried to suggest to put me on antidepressants if things continued they way they were. That’s how bad things were during this “break up” for me. Yet, I was lurking on the guy’s page through my other insta and he’s living his best life in NYC. Like what?

Nevertheless, I’ve had an AMAZING group of friends who have kept me going. Like, truly, having good friends is everything in this world. I’m so incredibly thankful for each one of them, even the ones from my past lives. They’ve encouraged me to do everything from eating, to sleeping, to watching mindless TV, to even going to the gym… they’ve literally been my ROCK. The ironic part is my last name means “rock” in Kikuyu, a native Kenyan language.

But back to the discussion. Are dating apps worth it or not? Are they effective? Or are they a recipe for disaster?

Personally I’m torn with which side to pick because although the heart break that I experienced was terrible, I can now look back and say that I learned a lot about myself and others, and that I gained one heck of a friend, even though it was only for a season. We laughed together, made love, we fought, we made love again, but all in all it was one heck of a ride that I will never forget. No pun intended. He’ll always be someone who used to be one of my favorite people, but it’s time for me to move forward and not keep trying to hold onto what has become the past.

After my girl told me about Hinge and BLK, I IMMEDIATELY downloaded both of them. I decided to start with Hinge because that’s where one of my other girlfriends Kenzie met her boyfriend, but I had every intention of creating a BLK account too. The first person that I connected with was this fine man from Niger. But we’ll have to get into that in a different blog post. The second dude was a white guy who was straight up and honest with me: he told me was Bi. This wasn’t shocking to me because I knew I was online and anything can go down in the DM. I’ll be honest though, he was a little too detailed explaining his sexual experiences with me. Like, if I were a girl and I were gay, I totally wouldn’t have been that elaborate with my details.

I used to have a slight implicit bias towards Bi men. Idk why. I was okay with gay men, but bi men always rubbed me the wrong way, especially the ones that are down low. I’m sorry but that’s just how I used to be. However, that bias started to slowly break down, because I started to realize that truly, love is LOVE. Nevertheless, I had to end that conversation once homie started talking about his experiences with three-sums, specifically insinuating that I should try it. No ma’am. But it was good chatting with ya!

I’m a huge fan of the game show “The Circle”, and I think social media is a cool invention. Dating through social media, however, is another thing that “rubs me the wrong way.” I don’t know what it is about it. I’ve just ALWAYS been hesitant of dating apps, and when I finally opened myself up to ONE guy from a dating app, my heart broke more than a million pieces…literally. I felt my heart sink into my stomach as I gulped for air, trying to understand the fact that a relationship I’d been cultivating for months was now over…forever. And all it took from him was to block me. No explanation, no apology… just a block.

I do believe that there are a couple of “the ones” out there for every one of us. As a wise man once told me, there’s more than 7 billion in the world, do you really think you’re only meant to be with one?” However, the experience of finding out that “the one” might not always be that one was diminishing to me. It destroyed my self-esteem and it made me act completely out of character. They say love is crazy and it truly is. I just hope I never experience anything like that again out of being purely real. I give my all in relationships, even the ones that claim they aren’t relationships, but after that craziness, I’ve decided that I need to step back and give only that which is given to me.

Anyways, I’ve said enough. I leave the floor to you, my friend! What do you think? Are dating apps something that should be celebrated and encouraged? Are they effective? Or are they destructive? Should more people be warned about pursuing online dating? Or should everyone be running to Hinge, Bumble and BLK to find “the one”? Let me know in the comments, Royalty Gang. P.s. Don’t download Tinder. Tinder is ghetto and they’re not lying when they say Tinder is only for sex. Stay Real!

Love,

Queen Rahaka.

Xo